I hope I made a place in all your hearts and touched each and every one of you in a special way.
If I look up into the windows of the apartments I pass, I can see old ladies on the phone. If they really want you to pay it, then they'll come and tap on your window." Her whole philosphy of life was: if you die owing money, then you've won. If you're one of the chosen few people in the world lucky enough to get your hands on a steak, bite the s**t out of it! "We gotta go to Iraq because they're the most dangerous country on Earth, they're the most dangerous regime in the world." If they so dangerous, how come it only took two weeks to take over the whole f***ing country? Man, you couldn't take over Baltimore in two weeks. You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else. They have Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul judgin' the singin. Gettin' Paula Abdul to judge a singin' contest is like gettin' Christopher Reeve to judge a dance contest! Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to. A black C student can't be a manager at Burger King, meanwhile a white C student just happens to be the President of the United States.